What made me to go rehab - What made me stay?

Hello my brothers and sisters in addiction and recovery. You know, I got asked the other day. you know, about Rehab. And how did you actually stay there? You know.

My answer to that was, what made me go to rehab was I done everything. You know, I've done the jails or done the homelessness. I done the wheels. Fell off many, many times for me. I hit rock bottom fucking over and over. And funny enough, when I went to rehab, I wasn't at rock bottom. You know, I still kind of had. You know, it's funny that, you know, because I should have went probably a long time ago. But, you know, funny enough, it was just one of the things where I was absolutely mentally fucked, spiritually fucked. You know, and my, my head was like, well, let's go up to these rehab.

Let's just say what's what's everyone's on the rant about rehab. And they said that because I was totally awesome. And, and I thought, if I don't like it, I just fucking get on a plane and come home. You know, and that's the truth, you know, and say, I've tried it or done it.

You know, went up to rehab and and the reason why I stayed was obviously in a room with, you know, ten, 10 to 14 people. You ten to probably 14 people and, ones an alcoholic, ones a heroin addict, once the 18 year old pillhead. You know, you know, a couple of meth heads, couple of gamblers haven't even touched drugs before. Just gamblers. And we're all sitting around and my attitude towards addiction -was I was always very, very lucky. If you haven't smoked meth, if you don't get on ice, what the fuck would you know about me? You know, me and my struggle.

We're all sitting around and, Relating to what a gambler size, relating to what an alcoholic size and alcohol wasn't really my poison. You know, and I'm sitting there and and and and a funny story because the egos are always doing the 'alcoholic cough'. Now, I've sat back for what is this 'alcoholic cough'? He goes, well, when I get up, and I don't want the wife and kids to hear when I open the bottle in the fridge, you know, at midnight or in the morning. You know, he does the **cough**, when he opens the bottle or pees myself laughing because they know my head. I would go to the toilet and if I some someone, you know, my family were outside, I would **coughs**, I would do the 'lighter cough'. Sorry. I did a 'lighter cough'. You know, so they don't hear the lighter going.

And I fucking was like, well, you know, even stashing bottles in the garden, and and stuff like that. When I used to come home, I knew that my partner was checking my bum bag on my car, so I used to get it, wrap it up and stuck it in the garden, you know, so all the stuff related with me, you know, like, and  they weren't even my poison.

So, you know, that's that's when I realised fucking, mate, I heard the message and I thought to myself, well, if I'm here in the message, maybe I do. Maybe I do suffer from this, with this disease called 'addiction'. And maybe I'm in the right place, you know? So, so I hung around, and I hung around because I heard that message, and that's what I try to say to people. Go to a meeting, even if it's not AA, NA, GA.. fucking whatever it is - I fucking guarantee ya, if you just sit on your hands and just listen. Just listen. I guarantee you'll hear something, you relate with. And you'll go 'oh wow!.. Maybe I'm fucking, okay. Maybe I'm in the right place, you know?

And um. And that's why I stuck around, you know.